I’ve been grieving 2 deaths and the loss of a traumatic relationship for 2 1/2 months now. The pain is so bad and completely unpredictable. I can’t outsmart it either. Thank you. This helps. I am always grateful and relieved when I can write. It is kind of like, good, that’s done for this week. Post is set. Because this shit is impacting everything that matters to me.
Jamey - I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with the aftermath of so much loss. And you're calling out something I think is so important.
No matter how much we logically understand that grief is unpredictable, it can still kneecap us when we least expect it and it hurts like hell every time it happens.
And our human capacity to make a difficult situation even harder than it already is can seem almost infinite at times.
I'm glad to hear you're writing. Getting things out of the insane asylum in our heads can be one of the most therapeutic things we can do. And when we share it, it has a beautiful and uncanny ability to help people we've never met.
I hope you keep writing and I wish you peace and healing my friend.
I relate so much to the "Upsidedownville" of it all. My husband and I just lost our second child earlier this year. I feel like I'm walking around in an invisible horror movie while everyone else's life is "up and to the right." I think the people who exist outside of grief have more certainty about my grief than I do and that can be so painful. The people that say "It will get better" but they said that after I lost my first and it honestly has only gotten worse. I just have to breathe and get through the next 10 minutes and then the next 10 minutes...
Hi Liane - you've lost two children? My god, I can't even imagine what that would be like other than horrible beyond belief.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say things like that but it can be pretty damn hard when the grief and pain feel overwhelming.
For whatever it's worth, you're not alone friend. There are so many hurting and wonderful grieving parents who get it - as much as we can ever really get someone else's situation.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you both ever want an ear to bend, message me. I'm a pretty good listener and I will never tell you what to do ❤️
Jason you may already know this but the drummer of the once famous band RUSH, Neil Peart lost both his wife and daughter in a short period of time, he hopped on his motorcycle and drove and drove until he felt “better” this resulted in both another album for the group, Vapor Trails and a book, Ghost Rider. Both are poignant. Most of the songs on the album reflect much of the experience of grief.
Loved this post, Jason. I had a crying jag last night…and a feeling of returning right back to the beginning…guilt/regrets…I know you know how it goes. But I have progressed in 5 years…my grief obviously knew it needed to come out and run the show for a while. Probably cos it’s Christmas…
You write so honestly and I have so much admiration for the way you are showing up for other men who don’t have the best role models for child loss. It’s important work and Chloe would/will be so proud of her dad.
I’ve been grieving 2 deaths and the loss of a traumatic relationship for 2 1/2 months now. The pain is so bad and completely unpredictable. I can’t outsmart it either. Thank you. This helps. I am always grateful and relieved when I can write. It is kind of like, good, that’s done for this week. Post is set. Because this shit is impacting everything that matters to me.
Jamey - I'm so sorry to hear you're dealing with the aftermath of so much loss. And you're calling out something I think is so important.
No matter how much we logically understand that grief is unpredictable, it can still kneecap us when we least expect it and it hurts like hell every time it happens.
And our human capacity to make a difficult situation even harder than it already is can seem almost infinite at times.
I'm glad to hear you're writing. Getting things out of the insane asylum in our heads can be one of the most therapeutic things we can do. And when we share it, it has a beautiful and uncanny ability to help people we've never met.
I hope you keep writing and I wish you peace and healing my friend.
I relate so much to the "Upsidedownville" of it all. My husband and I just lost our second child earlier this year. I feel like I'm walking around in an invisible horror movie while everyone else's life is "up and to the right." I think the people who exist outside of grief have more certainty about my grief than I do and that can be so painful. The people that say "It will get better" but they said that after I lost my first and it honestly has only gotten worse. I just have to breathe and get through the next 10 minutes and then the next 10 minutes...
Hi Liane - you've lost two children? My god, I can't even imagine what that would be like other than horrible beyond belief.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt when they say things like that but it can be pretty damn hard when the grief and pain feel overwhelming.
For whatever it's worth, you're not alone friend. There are so many hurting and wonderful grieving parents who get it - as much as we can ever really get someone else's situation.
I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you both ever want an ear to bend, message me. I'm a pretty good listener and I will never tell you what to do ❤️
Thank you friend. Yes it has been a nightmare in every sense of the word.
I just started writing here to try and give my pain a place to breathe.
Looking for other bereaved parents who can relate to the pain because it really is so lonely.
Jason you may already know this but the drummer of the once famous band RUSH, Neil Peart lost both his wife and daughter in a short period of time, he hopped on his motorcycle and drove and drove until he felt “better” this resulted in both another album for the group, Vapor Trails and a book, Ghost Rider. Both are poignant. Most of the songs on the album reflect much of the experience of grief.
I did know that but I've never really listened to Rush which I think invalidates my claim of being Canadian.
Thank you so much for taking the time to direct me to their album. I'm going to listen to it!
Loved this post, Jason. I had a crying jag last night…and a feeling of returning right back to the beginning…guilt/regrets…I know you know how it goes. But I have progressed in 5 years…my grief obviously knew it needed to come out and run the show for a while. Probably cos it’s Christmas…
You write so honestly and I have so much admiration for the way you are showing up for other men who don’t have the best role models for child loss. It’s important work and Chloe would/will be so proud of her dad.
Hi Esther - I'm so glad it resonated with you, friend. And thank you so much for your kind words - especially about Chloe.
I hope you're able to see and acknowledge how much of a positive difference you're making in the world with your work ❤️