My daughter is never far from my thoughts. I wish I hadn’t looked at this in my office when I don’t have time to make a proper response.
My baby has been gone twenty years. Most of that time I spent angry.
I identified with several pieces of your post, and can see one thing about you that we differ in greatly. It is not a judgement, but I am glad I understand that part differently, or I may not be here now.
I have to be careful in how I respond. I do not want to derail your topic, nor do I want to come off as disrespectful or rude.
First, let me express my sympathy for your loss. I cannot imagine losing two parts of me in one lifetime. Your strength is incredible. I like to think mine is as well, but after my daughter, I am not sure I would survive.
I view death and dying quite differently than I used to, and it is also quite different than how most of the people in my circle view it. I am not saying I believe anything differently; it is a deep internal understanding. I once heard it referred to as "ways of knowing."
Where we would differ is in finding comfort at the grave of a loved one.
That would not bother me because, to me and my ways of knowing, that is how things are, and they are beautiful.
If the laws allowed it, I would, upon my death, ask that my body be laid on the earth with my face to the sun. Let my remains be nourishment for the four-legged and winged creatures, the plants, as I return to the earth. That is how we are designed. I do not understand the fear and discontent around the end of life. It used to terrify me, but now I welcome it--just not too soon. I have a lot I want to see and experience yet.
I have a lengthy story I keep being tempted to tell on here. But I do not want to use this platform to go "off brand" or to use it as a therapist. Soon, however, I will tell the story of Día de Los Muertos, and how I came to heal through art, the loss of my daughter, and through exposure to my ancestral culture.
I hope that was clear and not offensive. Everyone has to process things in their own way. The way I was going was going to kill me. Apparently, Creator had other ideas.
Thank you for sharing your journey of living through grief. My hearts breaks for your losses. I know the feeling of wanting to "get stoned out of my mind" to escape my all encompassing grief. Thank you for sharing your story and helping us bring this very real experience of grieving into the light.
Thank you for expressing yourself candidly and openly. It’s so needed in our space. Profound grief in men often finds itself cornered, sneaking out the best way it can…numbing out.
I lost my mom when I was 12 (I share a bit on my Substack). I never expected a normal June morning to turn into a catastrophic, soul-crushing evening wondering when my mommy would come pick me up.
It’s been 27 years, and I still mourn her like a child. No shame in that. I have no reason to hide or protect this anymore. It needs to be out so it can transform me.
I hope more men keep speaking out and showing up with all of our emotions. That’s how we soften the world. By allowing pain to be felt, not bleeding our wounds out onto each other.
I read as much as I can from you Jason because I care about you and your family, and your pain slows me done to accept it from you and stop what ever I am doing to prayer for you and your loved ones plus to send you healing ❤️🩹 thoughts and strength to yet make it through another day. As Craig shared below / some grieving does not end … May you take space and grow from it: Here is the poetic principle of Appreciative Inquiry to know that as you were lying down on the grave their spirits were looking down and around you to keep you sane and safe ❣️
My heart and mind aches for you dear Jason and now Craig ….
Jason - My son Henry was killed in an accident in 2022 at the age of 18. It has redefined me and everything about my life. I haven't been able to connect with many grieving fathers, it's usually the moms who show up at grief workshops. Thank you for sharing your experience and introducing us to Chloe.
Thank you for opening your aching heart here , Jason. It gives us all permission to grieve . 🙏🏻✨❤️🩹 sending love and strength into all your broken places 🙏🏻♥️
Thank you Jason for being a voice for so many. Your incredible courage and vulnerability is breathtaking and heroic. The simple act of sharing your truth is a powerful tool for healing to your readers.
My daughter is never far from my thoughts. I wish I hadn’t looked at this in my office when I don’t have time to make a proper response.
My baby has been gone twenty years. Most of that time I spent angry.
I identified with several pieces of your post, and can see one thing about you that we differ in greatly. It is not a judgement, but I am glad I understand that part differently, or I may not be here now.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting Craig. I'm so sorry you lost your girl.
I'd love to hear more about how you see us differing!
Craig MARKS the Spot
Craig Marks the Spot
just now
I have to be careful in how I respond. I do not want to derail your topic, nor do I want to come off as disrespectful or rude.
First, let me express my sympathy for your loss. I cannot imagine losing two parts of me in one lifetime. Your strength is incredible. I like to think mine is as well, but after my daughter, I am not sure I would survive.
I view death and dying quite differently than I used to, and it is also quite different than how most of the people in my circle view it. I am not saying I believe anything differently; it is a deep internal understanding. I once heard it referred to as "ways of knowing."
Where we would differ is in finding comfort at the grave of a loved one.
That would not bother me because, to me and my ways of knowing, that is how things are, and they are beautiful.
If the laws allowed it, I would, upon my death, ask that my body be laid on the earth with my face to the sun. Let my remains be nourishment for the four-legged and winged creatures, the plants, as I return to the earth. That is how we are designed. I do not understand the fear and discontent around the end of life. It used to terrify me, but now I welcome it--just not too soon. I have a lot I want to see and experience yet.
I have a lengthy story I keep being tempted to tell on here. But I do not want to use this platform to go "off brand" or to use it as a therapist. Soon, however, I will tell the story of Día de Los Muertos, and how I came to heal through art, the loss of my daughter, and through exposure to my ancestral culture.
I hope that was clear and not offensive. Everyone has to process things in their own way. The way I was going was going to kill me. Apparently, Creator had other ideas.
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Thanks, Jason, for naming the particular struggle of men in grief. I'm reading!!
Thank you so much for reading and adding your voice to the conversation Kristine! ♥️
2.5 years since i lost my son. Every day is a journey into the strange
Thank you for sharing your journey of living through grief. My hearts breaks for your losses. I know the feeling of wanting to "get stoned out of my mind" to escape my all encompassing grief. Thank you for sharing your story and helping us bring this very real experience of grieving into the light.
Thank you for expressing yourself candidly and openly. It’s so needed in our space. Profound grief in men often finds itself cornered, sneaking out the best way it can…numbing out.
I lost my mom when I was 12 (I share a bit on my Substack). I never expected a normal June morning to turn into a catastrophic, soul-crushing evening wondering when my mommy would come pick me up.
It’s been 27 years, and I still mourn her like a child. No shame in that. I have no reason to hide or protect this anymore. It needs to be out so it can transform me.
I hope more men keep speaking out and showing up with all of our emotions. That’s how we soften the world. By allowing pain to be felt, not bleeding our wounds out onto each other.
I read as much as I can from you Jason because I care about you and your family, and your pain slows me done to accept it from you and stop what ever I am doing to prayer for you and your loved ones plus to send you healing ❤️🩹 thoughts and strength to yet make it through another day. As Craig shared below / some grieving does not end … May you take space and grow from it: Here is the poetic principle of Appreciative Inquiry to know that as you were lying down on the grave their spirits were looking down and around you to keep you sane and safe ❣️
My heart and mind aches for you dear Jason and now Craig ….
Jason - My son Henry was killed in an accident in 2022 at the age of 18. It has redefined me and everything about my life. I haven't been able to connect with many grieving fathers, it's usually the moms who show up at grief workshops. Thank you for sharing your experience and introducing us to Chloe.
For the record, you have beautiful children. The time gets away from you quickly. I don’t need to tell you to cherish what you are given.
Thank you for opening your aching heart here , Jason. It gives us all permission to grieve . 🙏🏻✨❤️🩹 sending love and strength into all your broken places 🙏🏻♥️
Thank you Jason for being a voice for so many. Your incredible courage and vulnerability is breathtaking and heroic. The simple act of sharing your truth is a powerful tool for healing to your readers.