I know you write this for grieving men but I find comfort in what you write. I lost my husband on Mother’s Day 2024. I still find myself facing emotions like this. Thank you for the encouraging words.
Hi friend. I'm so sorry you lost your husband. If your experience is anything like mine, you will be feeling these challenging emotions for a long, long time.
I drank myself silly for almost five years after my wife's suicide. And during that time, I never once made the connection between her death and my drinking, as unbelievable as that sounds. I told myself I had "moved on".
Would it feel like too much if I asked you your husband's name and a few things you love most about him? ♥️
His name is Monty Smith. He loved me and our 3 children. He worked for the same company for 42 years. He was a loyal friend to many, a fierce Big Daddy to our six grands. He would help anybody that reached out. I miss everything about him. Our plan was to retire on the Alabama coast. I still struggle with his loss. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I'm so glad the imagery of the Jaguar resonated with me. I knew when I heard it in the jungle that day, that it would become a mantra I would use to remind myself how to navigate life's hardest things.
Interestingly, I used to tell myself to "fully experience" whatever hard thoughts and emotions came from my wife and daughter's deaths. But it always felt too passive to me somehow. Maybe it's just me being a bullheaded man.
After this, I remind myself to square my shoulders, stiffen my spine and "face it." And even though I'm doing exactly the same thing I was before, the idea of facing it gives me a sense of strength and feels empowering.
I try to be very intentional about the words I use. They don't describe our reality, they define it.
I actually got a giant jaguar tattoo on my forearm after this experience to remind myself to be the jaguar for the rest of my life. I posted a picture of it on a note from yesterday.
So powerful, Jason. I love this especially: "I try to be very intentional about the words I use. They don't describe our reality, they define it." AMEN.
This is such an interesting and important point. The moment you’re able to interrupt the pattern, that’s a real win. Becoming aware of it lets you start digging deeper and questioning the old stories you’ve been telling yourself — sometimes for way too long. That kind of awareness is where real change begins. Life goes on, anyway. So finding a powerful metaphor like facing the jaguar can help us cope and walk our own way.
Very much appreciate your insights and revelations. Cutting out the drinking is huge. I passed 2-1/2 years yesterday.
I have a question: have you been screened for PTSD? Based on personal experience, your symptoms and feelings sound very much like some of the characteristics of someone who has experienced trauma. Trauma is not just wars and burning buildings. It’s all around us: it’s sexual assault, it’s an awful automobile accident, it’s bullying, and yes, the sudden death of those we care about. It’s the accumulation of threats to our survival, security and our integrity. It can be from a long time ago and you may not even recognize it.
There are treatments and tools available, but unfortunately the healthcare coverage in this country is woefully inadequate. Only some therapists will recognize it and be equipped to address it.
Good for you brother. 2.5 years being alcohol-free is such a massive accomplishment!
And, thanks for asking. I have been screened for PTSD. I thought I might be dealing with it about a year and a half ago.
I’ve definitely experienced a lot of trauma but I’m not suffering from PTSD thankfully. I deal with what I consider “normal” grief from the loss of my wife and daughter. It’s horrible and painful, but I’m definitely healing.
I also have spend many years learning resilience skills and teaching them to other men. I think that has been a game changer for me.
I know you write this for grieving men but I find comfort in what you write. I lost my husband on Mother’s Day 2024. I still find myself facing emotions like this. Thank you for the encouraging words.
Hi friend. I'm so sorry you lost your husband. If your experience is anything like mine, you will be feeling these challenging emotions for a long, long time.
I drank myself silly for almost five years after my wife's suicide. And during that time, I never once made the connection between her death and my drinking, as unbelievable as that sounds. I told myself I had "moved on".
Would it feel like too much if I asked you your husband's name and a few things you love most about him? ♥️
His name is Monty Smith. He loved me and our 3 children. He worked for the same company for 42 years. He was a loyal friend to many, a fierce Big Daddy to our six grands. He would help anybody that reached out. I miss everything about him. Our plan was to retire on the Alabama coast. I still struggle with his loss. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
You're still here. That matters.
Thank you Cathy ❤️❤️
I hope you and your family find the peace you need. Don't give up. You are an inspiration even through the pain.
"Be the jaguar." I'll never forget this. What powerful wisdom for humanity, as fear is a daunting foe.
I'm so glad the imagery of the Jaguar resonated with me. I knew when I heard it in the jungle that day, that it would become a mantra I would use to remind myself how to navigate life's hardest things.
Interestingly, I used to tell myself to "fully experience" whatever hard thoughts and emotions came from my wife and daughter's deaths. But it always felt too passive to me somehow. Maybe it's just me being a bullheaded man.
After this, I remind myself to square my shoulders, stiffen my spine and "face it." And even though I'm doing exactly the same thing I was before, the idea of facing it gives me a sense of strength and feels empowering.
I try to be very intentional about the words I use. They don't describe our reality, they define it.
I actually got a giant jaguar tattoo on my forearm after this experience to remind myself to be the jaguar for the rest of my life. I posted a picture of it on a note from yesterday.
So powerful, Jason. I love this especially: "I try to be very intentional about the words I use. They don't describe our reality, they define it." AMEN.
Great read, Jason. Thanks for capturing the very disorienting experience of intense grief.
Thank you brother. I appreciate you reading and knowing that it resonated with you.
This was so powerful. Thank you.
You're welcome friend. Thank you so much for reading. ♥️♥️
Powerful. Beautiful. Full Circle to the next level of healing.
Thank you so much ♥️♥️
This is such an interesting and important point. The moment you’re able to interrupt the pattern, that’s a real win. Becoming aware of it lets you start digging deeper and questioning the old stories you’ve been telling yourself — sometimes for way too long. That kind of awareness is where real change begins. Life goes on, anyway. So finding a powerful metaphor like facing the jaguar can help us cope and walk our own way.
Very much appreciate your insights and revelations. Cutting out the drinking is huge. I passed 2-1/2 years yesterday.
I have a question: have you been screened for PTSD? Based on personal experience, your symptoms and feelings sound very much like some of the characteristics of someone who has experienced trauma. Trauma is not just wars and burning buildings. It’s all around us: it’s sexual assault, it’s an awful automobile accident, it’s bullying, and yes, the sudden death of those we care about. It’s the accumulation of threats to our survival, security and our integrity. It can be from a long time ago and you may not even recognize it.
There are treatments and tools available, but unfortunately the healthcare coverage in this country is woefully inadequate. Only some therapists will recognize it and be equipped to address it.
Good for you brother. 2.5 years being alcohol-free is such a massive accomplishment!
And, thanks for asking. I have been screened for PTSD. I thought I might be dealing with it about a year and a half ago.
I’ve definitely experienced a lot of trauma but I’m not suffering from PTSD thankfully. I deal with what I consider “normal” grief from the loss of my wife and daughter. It’s horrible and painful, but I’m definitely healing.
I also have spend many years learning resilience skills and teaching them to other men. I think that has been a game changer for me.