Thank you, Jason, for putting into words what so many of us feel but struggle to express! Living after losing someone we love isn’t strength — it's survival. We do it because we have to, not because we’re 'strong'. Real strength is finding a way to carry both sorrow and joy in our hearts. It's allowing ourselves to fully feel and express all our emotions, even the messy ones. It's when we keep showing up for life, for the people around us, and for ourselves. Real strength is in sharing our stories, finding our voice, speaking the truth about grief, and letting people know they aren't alone.
So many times in my life I’ve heard those words. Even more times after losing my daughter. I freely admit I don’t always feel strong, especially when I’m not feeling my best, like today. Being human is not easy and I just go about life one day at a time.
Jason, I often contemplate how my late husband would have managed my loss if the story were reversed. You help me to see if it would not have been different. Two lives successfully, and romantically intertwined for many years (almost 41 in my case), can not stop being part of your story. I have learned that the pain eventually fizzles and the memories help propel you to a new life, a rebirth. I am proud you are writing about these two losses and seeking counseling. Finding renewed purpose has proven my re-making.
I totally relate to this. People used to say the same about me and my parents - “you’re so strong, I don’t know how you do it.”. We didn’t get a choice, we had to keep moving forward and find a way to live life again. Being human is so hard. Thank you for your words, they help me put words to my grief.
You're so welcome Jessica. I think, at the end of the day, we all have a choice on how to move forward, or not, after a tragic loss. It can be so damn easy to get stuck in the pain, regret, guilt and shame.
Can I ask who passed away? It sounds like you love them a lot. ♥️
Yes, it was my brother. He was 33 when a foreign driver apparently ‘forgot’ he wasn’t in his home country, and smashed headfirst into him on the wrong side of the road. The driver of the other vehicle was unharmed, but my brother was in his old works van and was killed instantly. It ripped us apart, but my parents are absolute hero’s and made sure that we stayed close, throughout all the pain. There’s only me now and them. As I’m sure you can relate, the shock is horrific. I miss him so much, he was my best friend and I’m so sad he never got to meet his only niece. But I know I’ll see him again, when it’s my turn.
Over 35 years of psychological practice I have stopped talking about strength. The opposite of strength is weakness and that leads to people who are wobbling believing they're weak. Very unhelpful!! Instead I talk about skills. Skills such as problem solving, perspective taking, consequential thinking, insight, hindsight, foresight, emotional regulation... and all these can be learned. It is so much more empowering than feeling weak or like a failure. And Jason is skills central 😊
It is not easy to be human. Thank you for sharing how true this is, in doing so you help so many. Your writing is always so honest and moving.
Thank you, Jason, for putting into words what so many of us feel but struggle to express! Living after losing someone we love isn’t strength — it's survival. We do it because we have to, not because we’re 'strong'. Real strength is finding a way to carry both sorrow and joy in our hearts. It's allowing ourselves to fully feel and express all our emotions, even the messy ones. It's when we keep showing up for life, for the people around us, and for ourselves. Real strength is in sharing our stories, finding our voice, speaking the truth about grief, and letting people know they aren't alone.
So many times in my life I’ve heard those words. Even more times after losing my daughter. I freely admit I don’t always feel strong, especially when I’m not feeling my best, like today. Being human is not easy and I just go about life one day at a time.
Jason, I often contemplate how my late husband would have managed my loss if the story were reversed. You help me to see if it would not have been different. Two lives successfully, and romantically intertwined for many years (almost 41 in my case), can not stop being part of your story. I have learned that the pain eventually fizzles and the memories help propel you to a new life, a rebirth. I am proud you are writing about these two losses and seeking counseling. Finding renewed purpose has proven my re-making.
I totally relate to this. People used to say the same about me and my parents - “you’re so strong, I don’t know how you do it.”. We didn’t get a choice, we had to keep moving forward and find a way to live life again. Being human is so hard. Thank you for your words, they help me put words to my grief.
You're so welcome Jessica. I think, at the end of the day, we all have a choice on how to move forward, or not, after a tragic loss. It can be so damn easy to get stuck in the pain, regret, guilt and shame.
Can I ask who passed away? It sounds like you love them a lot. ♥️
Yes, it was my brother. He was 33 when a foreign driver apparently ‘forgot’ he wasn’t in his home country, and smashed headfirst into him on the wrong side of the road. The driver of the other vehicle was unharmed, but my brother was in his old works van and was killed instantly. It ripped us apart, but my parents are absolute hero’s and made sure that we stayed close, throughout all the pain. There’s only me now and them. As I’m sure you can relate, the shock is horrific. I miss him so much, he was my best friend and I’m so sad he never got to meet his only niece. But I know I’ll see him again, when it’s my turn.
Nightmare…things you are dealing with
Everyone has at least one.
How did I survive mine?
Jesus
Didn’t know Him
Didn’t want to know Him
I considered people who were “born again” emotional cripples.
But in the end, I had no where else to turn,
And He was there
Over 35 years of psychological practice I have stopped talking about strength. The opposite of strength is weakness and that leads to people who are wobbling believing they're weak. Very unhelpful!! Instead I talk about skills. Skills such as problem solving, perspective taking, consequential thinking, insight, hindsight, foresight, emotional regulation... and all these can be learned. It is so much more empowering than feeling weak or like a failure. And Jason is skills central 😊
I am a woman, but this really spoke to me and my current struggles…..
I get so much of what you said.
Great article Jason! I feel you! Couldn't be prouder of you.