This article has excellent insights into how to reframe situations for yourself - regardless of whether you even have that conversation. You’re correct - most of the issues we have are with how we frame what is happening vs. what May actually be happening 🙏
I really appreciate it Jason how you re-worded, I feel blank when you blank, which I think is a little offputting to a lot of people, even though it means that we take responsibility for our feelings.
Because it’s so true, our heads think of all kinds of crazy things and saying something like this is my story, not only takes responsibility for the story and leaves the other person off the hook, it’s a very gentle, loving way to say it.
Always one of my favorite ways to tone down the anxious energy surrounding a difficult conversation. It’s amazing how it gives the receiver of the info the opportunity to receive feedback without defense. Thanks for the reminder!
Such a great article and well timed as I struggle to share how I'm feeling and tend to bottle things up. I've heard of this dialogue "The story I'm telling my self is.." but havent used it in real scenario. From your post I'm willing to begin to try it out :) Thanks for sharing this!
Hi Adele - I'm so happy my post gave you the nudge you needed! That makes me really happy.
If you're interested, I've created a Difficult Conversations Coach that will let you practice these skills in a totally safe place. It's totally free and designed to help you address issues in a way that won't make the other person defensive. You'll even get feedback in real time.
Try it out and let me know what you think! Feel free to share it with anyone you think it might help!
Wonderful I'm so glad you found it helpful. Feel free to share it with anyone you think it might help.
I find using tools like this to help us practice these life-changing skills in a safe place makes it so much easier to get up the courage to try them in real life.
I'm much closer to the awareness end of the spectrum than the immersion end.
I cannot exist as myself, only outside of myself, or sometimes, within myself, but never *as* myself.
I can't unsee how the world is a series of negotiated narratives.
I see the revolving ever-shifting frames, cycling as they integrate each-other, the overarching all-encompassing worldview-defining frame continuously evolving and morphing.
It's impossible to not view your life and your self as a series of narratives that you hold.
Everything from your worldview to self-concept feel like narratives that can be reshaped, reinforced, discarded...
Any conflict is an exercise in narrative sharing and rewriting. People who trust each other can display enough vulnerability and cooperation to admit that their narratives are their own, that they expect them to be fallible, that they're ready to update them. That's what conflict resolution is. Getting back to the same page, a shared narrative.
And so, every friendship, love story, social interaction, is a negotiation. Of frames and narratives.
Sometimes, one can get to a point where everything feels as likely, as valid, as equal as anything else.
This phenomenon is less likely to happen when you can't insulate yourself from your environment.
The World will call you out on your delusions, pressure you into certain shapes and boxes. Your friends and online strangers and art will reaffirm you, scarcity and competition will help you know where you stand.
Without these characterizing pressures, you are free to spin narratives in so many directions.
And when your self-concept or worldview come in contact with reality, and are so intensely shaken or rejected, your wounded ego is tempted to shield itself through more delusion.
So yes, please ask yourself this question often. Just don't ask it too much!
This article has excellent insights into how to reframe situations for yourself - regardless of whether you even have that conversation. You’re correct - most of the issues we have are with how we frame what is happening vs. what May actually be happening 🙏
I really appreciate it Jason how you re-worded, I feel blank when you blank, which I think is a little offputting to a lot of people, even though it means that we take responsibility for our feelings.
Because it’s so true, our heads think of all kinds of crazy things and saying something like this is my story, not only takes responsibility for the story and leaves the other person off the hook, it’s a very gentle, loving way to say it.
Your P.S. warmed my heart… this is amazing. (And I appreciate the entire piece!)
Always one of my favorite ways to tone down the anxious energy surrounding a difficult conversation. It’s amazing how it gives the receiver of the info the opportunity to receive feedback without defense. Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks. Sometimes I need a reminder on how to soften some of what I say.
Such a great article and well timed as I struggle to share how I'm feeling and tend to bottle things up. I've heard of this dialogue "The story I'm telling my self is.." but havent used it in real scenario. From your post I'm willing to begin to try it out :) Thanks for sharing this!
Hi Adele - I'm so happy my post gave you the nudge you needed! That makes me really happy.
If you're interested, I've created a Difficult Conversations Coach that will let you practice these skills in a totally safe place. It's totally free and designed to help you address issues in a way that won't make the other person defensive. You'll even get feedback in real time.
Try it out and let me know what you think! Feel free to share it with anyone you think it might help!
https://chatgpt.com/g/g-67d74c493ad481919e462ba1a3ff2fd6-the-difficult-conversations-coach
I tried it out! It’s amazing! Very helpful. How did you do that? I’m new to all this clever AI stuff. Thanks for sharing though!
Wonderful I'm so glad you found it helpful. Feel free to share it with anyone you think it might help.
I find using tools like this to help us practice these life-changing skills in a safe place makes it so much easier to get up the courage to try them in real life.
Well done, friend! ♥️♥️
Thanks Jason 🙏 it definitely does help.
I'm much closer to the awareness end of the spectrum than the immersion end.
I cannot exist as myself, only outside of myself, or sometimes, within myself, but never *as* myself.
I can't unsee how the world is a series of negotiated narratives.
I see the revolving ever-shifting frames, cycling as they integrate each-other, the overarching all-encompassing worldview-defining frame continuously evolving and morphing.
It's impossible to not view your life and your self as a series of narratives that you hold.
Everything from your worldview to self-concept feel like narratives that can be reshaped, reinforced, discarded...
Any conflict is an exercise in narrative sharing and rewriting. People who trust each other can display enough vulnerability and cooperation to admit that their narratives are their own, that they expect them to be fallible, that they're ready to update them. That's what conflict resolution is. Getting back to the same page, a shared narrative.
And so, every friendship, love story, social interaction, is a negotiation. Of frames and narratives.
Sometimes, one can get to a point where everything feels as likely, as valid, as equal as anything else.
This phenomenon is less likely to happen when you can't insulate yourself from your environment.
The World will call you out on your delusions, pressure you into certain shapes and boxes. Your friends and online strangers and art will reaffirm you, scarcity and competition will help you know where you stand.
Without these characterizing pressures, you are free to spin narratives in so many directions.
And when your self-concept or worldview come in contact with reality, and are so intensely shaken or rejected, your wounded ego is tempted to shield itself through more delusion.
So yes, please ask yourself this question often. Just don't ask it too much!