Thank you as always for sharing all of your emotions. Even after all these years your grief speaks to my grief and I experience a little more healing. ❤️🩹
I’m probably different from most of the other readers of your work. I come from a place of suicidal ideation as well as addiction so when I read about your wife and daughter I feel less alone. I also find that your words about your journey having lost them, helps me see what the effect on others would be if I went through with my plan. I don’t know if this makes any sense or not, I just know that my thoughts become clearer after reading your work. 💚
Being honest with our grief is paramount and a LOT harder than it sounds. Thank you for writing so poignantly about how important it is. I'm sorry for your loss, but so touched that you use your own pain to help ease the path for others. Your daughter's light shines through you. ❤️
It’s difficult for me to express how much I appreciate a man writing about grief, talking about the complexity of it all, and even writing about the tears. I know this sounds like I am stereo typing, but, fact is, I have read writings on grief mostly by women and I find it simply refreshing to read your vulnerable thoughts.
Thank you Manuela! I so appreciate you saying that to me. I've tried to navigate loss by avoiding grief, without realizing it, and almost destroyed myself.
Thought provoking insights as always ! I’ve learned guilt was just another form of control. I will never be able to conquer pain. It’s part of my contract in life. I can however learnt to let it ride through me without controlling it with the diversion of guilt. “ be conscious of the stories you’re telling yourself , Scott. And whos telling the story , the ego of guilt or the conscience of acceptance “.
By studying Alfred Adler who emphasizes the individual's unique way of perceiving and reacting to the world, particularly in the context of social interactions and their striving for a sense of belonging,I learned that my continuous cycle of feeling guilt was a form of me controlling the story I was telling myself. And by this control I kept myself in a state of addiction. I’m a piece of crap so I drink to keep feeling like a piece of crap , which makes me make bad choices, which feeds the guilt. A never ending cycle that I needed to be shaken out of. It can still creep in if I don’t stay conscious and aware through prayer , meditation and practicing 12 step principles. I hope this helps brother. We are self examining and this is what makes our lives purposefully full!!
Thank you for allowing all of us to witness you. Your experience and insights resonate deeply with me. My husband and I have 2 sons, though our firstborn died, at 19 days, due to a complex congenital heart condition. My husband is and always has been a poet/songwriter. He recently wrote a beautiful song, the first verse of which says:
“Climb a mountain every day
Help others along the way
Be sure to articulate
The splendors of love
And the futility of hate
Life is the price we pay
For Eternity awaits
Come what may”
(Copyright 2025 Star Drooker)
30 years after my boy streaked through like a comet, I am still here climbing mountains 🙏🏻❤️
One of the most painful things we do following a traumatic loss is to review our existence with the other person and find all the things we could have said or done differently. These things awaken me in the middle of the night, still. I am learning that nothing can be changed, but looking for the good in the 40-plus years of my loving marriage is the path forward. Celebrating the love helps me climb the next mountain, as you say.
It’s tough, but I relate to this. We never let go of our loved one or their memory, but we do have to learn to let go of the parts that hurt us…the what ifs. The survivor’s guilt, the shame of not being who we were or of our reactions and behaviors to grief. It’s complex. And you’re doing a great job.
It was hard for me to learn, but I thank my late son and husband for being the reasons I had to. They saved me from an abusive relationship because I finally learned to let go, and they have—because I learned that—protected me from people who’d love nothing more than to take everything I have for themselves. So, please make sure you’re protecting yourself out there. A vulnerable artists is like a prime rib to the carnivores out there, the people who pretend to care but ultimately—they only really care about their personal bottom line, as I learned from dating an abuser after my husband died.
Thank you as always for sharing all of your emotions. Even after all these years your grief speaks to my grief and I experience a little more healing. ❤️🩹
❤️🩹
What you are doing is transformational for many. Thank you for your willingness to share your story.💚
Thank you so much for your encouragement friend. ♥️♥️
Can I ask you what you find particularly helpful or transformational? It will help me do more of what's working well!
I’m probably different from most of the other readers of your work. I come from a place of suicidal ideation as well as addiction so when I read about your wife and daughter I feel less alone. I also find that your words about your journey having lost them, helps me see what the effect on others would be if I went through with my plan. I don’t know if this makes any sense or not, I just know that my thoughts become clearer after reading your work. 💚
Being honest with our grief is paramount and a LOT harder than it sounds. Thank you for writing so poignantly about how important it is. I'm sorry for your loss, but so touched that you use your own pain to help ease the path for others. Your daughter's light shines through you. ❤️
Well, you made me cry with your beautiful message. Thank you. ♥️
It’s difficult for me to express how much I appreciate a man writing about grief, talking about the complexity of it all, and even writing about the tears. I know this sounds like I am stereo typing, but, fact is, I have read writings on grief mostly by women and I find it simply refreshing to read your vulnerable thoughts.
Thank you! This is so, so important
Thank you Manuela! I so appreciate you saying that to me. I've tried to navigate loss by avoiding grief, without realizing it, and almost destroyed myself.
All I want to do is help other men heal. ♥️
As always, thank you for sharing your real experiences. It strengthens us all when we share from the heart 💜
You're so welcome, friend ♥️
Thought provoking insights as always ! I’ve learned guilt was just another form of control. I will never be able to conquer pain. It’s part of my contract in life. I can however learnt to let it ride through me without controlling it with the diversion of guilt. “ be conscious of the stories you’re telling yourself , Scott. And whos telling the story , the ego of guilt or the conscience of acceptance “.
This is a really interesting idea I hadn't considered before.
Can you say more about guilt being another form of control?
By studying Alfred Adler who emphasizes the individual's unique way of perceiving and reacting to the world, particularly in the context of social interactions and their striving for a sense of belonging,I learned that my continuous cycle of feeling guilt was a form of me controlling the story I was telling myself. And by this control I kept myself in a state of addiction. I’m a piece of crap so I drink to keep feeling like a piece of crap , which makes me make bad choices, which feeds the guilt. A never ending cycle that I needed to be shaken out of. It can still creep in if I don’t stay conscious and aware through prayer , meditation and practicing 12 step principles. I hope this helps brother. We are self examining and this is what makes our lives purposefully full!!
Thank you for allowing all of us to witness you. Your experience and insights resonate deeply with me. My husband and I have 2 sons, though our firstborn died, at 19 days, due to a complex congenital heart condition. My husband is and always has been a poet/songwriter. He recently wrote a beautiful song, the first verse of which says:
“Climb a mountain every day
Help others along the way
Be sure to articulate
The splendors of love
And the futility of hate
Life is the price we pay
For Eternity awaits
Come what may”
(Copyright 2025 Star Drooker)
30 years after my boy streaked through like a comet, I am still here climbing mountains 🙏🏻❤️
Your story of your grief and healing is so helpful. Sad that you have to keep walking through it, joy that your sharing your story is helping others
Thank you so much for reading and consistently adding your voice to the conversation my friend. ♥️♥️
One of the most painful things we do following a traumatic loss is to review our existence with the other person and find all the things we could have said or done differently. These things awaken me in the middle of the night, still. I am learning that nothing can be changed, but looking for the good in the 40-plus years of my loving marriage is the path forward. Celebrating the love helps me climb the next mountain, as you say.
It’s tough, but I relate to this. We never let go of our loved one or their memory, but we do have to learn to let go of the parts that hurt us…the what ifs. The survivor’s guilt, the shame of not being who we were or of our reactions and behaviors to grief. It’s complex. And you’re doing a great job.
It was hard for me to learn, but I thank my late son and husband for being the reasons I had to. They saved me from an abusive relationship because I finally learned to let go, and they have—because I learned that—protected me from people who’d love nothing more than to take everything I have for themselves. So, please make sure you’re protecting yourself out there. A vulnerable artists is like a prime rib to the carnivores out there, the people who pretend to care but ultimately—they only really care about their personal bottom line, as I learned from dating an abuser after my husband died.