It feels like you are touching a wound, gently probing to see if it’s still sore. Pressing places you have avoided before now. I think it’s part of the normal healing process. 🌷
This beautiful piece picked at some scabs I've got. One's I've tried to avoid. I don't think love dies with the person. It stays behind. Thanks for boldness.
Thanks for reading brother and I'm sorry for the loss you've experienced. Love definitely lives on and I think that's crucial to our ability to heal ♥️
Rest in peace Cindy. I believe she feels your love as you ask these unanswerable questions. What a brave and beautiful soul are you. And she was and is. You are BOTH helping others in this earthly realm today. <3
Well I didn't expect to feel these feelings today. What a share, Jason. What profound questions. I can only imagine what any of this must be like, but I imagine it's something like feeling feelings one wasn't expecting.
Thank you for writing this and sharing your personal perspective on these thoughts. I have had these thoughts regarding my teen-aged son's suicide four years ago. He died by tying an extension cord into a noose and hanging himself from a lot bed. It was done in a manner that suggests that he didn't mean to die, which brings up so many questions in my mind. Was it the first time or had he done this before? What specifically led him to hang himself? What song was playing through his headphones as he lost consciousness? Some of these questions that go through my mind are so innane (especially the third one), but they do come to mind.
I'm so sorry you lost your son brother and especially in such a tragic way. It's such a difficult journey to acceptance that the questions we have will never be answered and the future we imagined is gone forever.
I wish you peace and healing brother. Thank you reading and sharing your story with me, and us. ♥️♥️
I appreciate the sentiment. It's tough, but it's also important to remember that every person has something that they're dealing with that we might not know about. Take care.
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I have lost loved ones to suicide and understand how many painful questions it leaves. I've said suicide does not end someone's pain, it just transfers it to everyone you loved them.
Wow. Takes so much courage to not just write this, but as you said it, to even allow yourself to go there. Consciously or unconsciously. You must definitely be in a safe place in your life and your nervous system to allow these questions to surface. So yes, this is part of healing. Grieving the answers you’ll never get.
So real and raw Jason - as always. And, as always, you have me reflecting. I I was with my daughter when she died, but she couldn't communicate. I have some similar thoughts. What was she thinking? Did she know she was dying? Was she in pain? Was she scared? I totally understand our circumstances were so, so different, but I wonder if these questions, whenever they arise, are part of grieving and meaning making?
Your writing is delicate yet powerful and poignant and deep and comforting and sad and courageous and inspiring...all the words.
There is a cattle grid in the ground on the dirt, country road leading to my partner's place of death. Each time I drive there, my car rattles and vibrates when driving over the cattle grid. All I can think is how petrified he must have been when his killers drove him into the dark of night, the car vibrating over the metal.
This final moment is the only one I am brave enough to visit, at three years post death.
Maybe in another three, I can move on to the next. 💔
The questions you faced while writing this are huge. Not just the context, but how far you have come to be able to ask them ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
So many questions and so few final answers. I am sorry for your loss, and can definitely relate to the questioning. In my own situation, I ask them, and the answers change, but where I’ve landed is that I still loved and am loved- and all those unknowns/final moments are just things in the way of that.
Wow. This brought up questions i had tried to think but then buried deep inside me due to the pain they caused. I like the framing of an earlier comment of probing to see if the wound is still sore - that’s exactly what it feels like.
And sure enough, while the pain is lesser, the fear of triggering something deep is much higher. Guess, i need to work more on this - i thought i have processed this grief but maybe parts of it are still buried deep inside.
But a big thanks to you for writing this. I felt more connected to all of u here through the shared grief.
It feels like you are touching a wound, gently probing to see if it’s still sore. Pressing places you have avoided before now. I think it’s part of the normal healing process. 🌷
Thank you so much friend ♥️♥️
Those questions…they’re always there…I think maybe as time goes on we are more able to remind ourselves that our person is not in that place anymore 🤗
I think you're right ♥️
This beautiful piece picked at some scabs I've got. One's I've tried to avoid. I don't think love dies with the person. It stays behind. Thanks for boldness.
Thanks for reading brother and I'm sorry for the loss you've experienced. Love definitely lives on and I think that's crucial to our ability to heal ♥️
Rest in peace Cindy. I believe she feels your love as you ask these unanswerable questions. What a brave and beautiful soul are you. And she was and is. You are BOTH helping others in this earthly realm today. <3
Thank you so much Stephanie ♥️♥️
Well I didn't expect to feel these feelings today. What a share, Jason. What profound questions. I can only imagine what any of this must be like, but I imagine it's something like feeling feelings one wasn't expecting.
Thank you Damon. If I've learned anything about grief over the years it's that the experience is unpredictable in all the ways.
Coming to terms with that is essential to be able to fully live into the happy moments.
Otherwise we're always waiting for the other shoe to drop. And that robs us of everything that's still beautiful. ♥️
Thank you for writing this and sharing your personal perspective on these thoughts. I have had these thoughts regarding my teen-aged son's suicide four years ago. He died by tying an extension cord into a noose and hanging himself from a lot bed. It was done in a manner that suggests that he didn't mean to die, which brings up so many questions in my mind. Was it the first time or had he done this before? What specifically led him to hang himself? What song was playing through his headphones as he lost consciousness? Some of these questions that go through my mind are so innane (especially the third one), but they do come to mind.
I'm so sorry you lost your son brother and especially in such a tragic way. It's such a difficult journey to acceptance that the questions we have will never be answered and the future we imagined is gone forever.
I wish you peace and healing brother. Thank you reading and sharing your story with me, and us. ♥️♥️
I appreciate the sentiment. It's tough, but it's also important to remember that every person has something that they're dealing with that we might not know about. Take care.
I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I have lost loved ones to suicide and understand how many painful questions it leaves. I've said suicide does not end someone's pain, it just transfers it to everyone you loved them.
I totally agree with that friend and thank you so much for taking the time to read and for your kind words. ♥️
You are welcome. Joy shared is doubled and grief shared is divided.
Thank you for sharing, for your courage to open the dialogue, to question what you’ll never fully
know.
Thank you ♥️
Maybe it means you loved her....
I think it does ♥️
Wow. Takes so much courage to not just write this, but as you said it, to even allow yourself to go there. Consciously or unconsciously. You must definitely be in a safe place in your life and your nervous system to allow these questions to surface. So yes, this is part of healing. Grieving the answers you’ll never get.
So real and raw Jason - as always. And, as always, you have me reflecting. I I was with my daughter when she died, but she couldn't communicate. I have some similar thoughts. What was she thinking? Did she know she was dying? Was she in pain? Was she scared? I totally understand our circumstances were so, so different, but I wonder if these questions, whenever they arise, are part of grieving and meaning making?
Oh god Jason. I relate to every single word here. I have an equally long list of questions that will forever be unanswered.
Ugh! My heart!
Can you stop breaking it now?
Your writing is delicate yet powerful and poignant and deep and comforting and sad and courageous and inspiring...all the words.
There is a cattle grid in the ground on the dirt, country road leading to my partner's place of death. Each time I drive there, my car rattles and vibrates when driving over the cattle grid. All I can think is how petrified he must have been when his killers drove him into the dark of night, the car vibrating over the metal.
This final moment is the only one I am brave enough to visit, at three years post death.
Maybe in another three, I can move on to the next. 💔
The questions you faced while writing this are huge. Not just the context, but how far you have come to be able to ask them ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️
So many questions and so few final answers. I am sorry for your loss, and can definitely relate to the questioning. In my own situation, I ask them, and the answers change, but where I’ve landed is that I still loved and am loved- and all those unknowns/final moments are just things in the way of that.
Wow. This brought up questions i had tried to think but then buried deep inside me due to the pain they caused. I like the framing of an earlier comment of probing to see if the wound is still sore - that’s exactly what it feels like.
And sure enough, while the pain is lesser, the fear of triggering something deep is much higher. Guess, i need to work more on this - i thought i have processed this grief but maybe parts of it are still buried deep inside.
But a big thanks to you for writing this. I felt more connected to all of u here through the shared grief.
Wow, those are tough questions you’re asking, very hard to face, obviously in a place now to cope with those thoughts.