I've made a point of telling people to *please* mention my dead child. They admit they are scared to say the wrong thing, and I tell them to just say anything (or be physically present); there really is not right or wrong thing right now.
Thanks for sharing such important insights. I know that I have been fearful of saying (or not saying) the wrong thing as people navigate unimaginable grief.
Thank you for using your own grief to guide others.
I have had people say to me “I’m sorry if it upsets you” or something similar when they talk to me about my daughter. I always tell them don’t be. She’s never far from my mind anyway. Talking about her to let’s me know she is not forgotten.
My mother committed suicide 35 yrs ago, 2 weeks after I told her I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. For years I didn’t talk about her. When people asked how she died, the response was 99.9% of the time,”I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I asked”, and that was the end of the conversation. Only a few, close friends were comfortable talking about it.
I've got a college friend whose twenty-something son died from taking Fentanyl. He'd been in and out of rehab and he was in a sober house when it happened. She'd been so hopeful that this would be the time that would stick. It was hard to know what to say. Still is, a couple years later. Thanks for sharing your guidance. I'll likely reach out to her now to see how she's doing with the holidays approaching... what she might need.
I know that people were waiting to take their cues from me regarding my son’s death. People close to me heard me talking about him and knew it was okay. Once I started writing about my son and answering the questions people were too scared to ask, the floodgates opened.
I realize that many people who are grieving have a difficult time making the first move and shouldn’t be expected to. Thank you for sharing the resources for how to open up the conversation with someone who is grieving.
You said that so well. Thank you! I have to admit that prior to having to give my oldest daughter, Laura, back to God, I couldn't even phatham what it would be like to loose a child. One of the best things that a kind lady said was "I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom other than, it won't always hurt this bad." I hung onto those words ~ they became my daily mantra even on my darkest days. I also found that a big heartfelt hug spoke volumes to my heart (No words required)! I am grateful to you for giving us a platform where we can feel connected to other people who understand.
A friend lost his son to the biggest killer of Irish men besides natural death.
Man, I'm sorry to hear that brother. How has he been navigating such a devastating loss?
It was before I knew him
I've made a point of telling people to *please* mention my dead child. They admit they are scared to say the wrong thing, and I tell them to just say anything (or be physically present); there really is not right or wrong thing right now.
Thanks for sharing such important insights. I know that I have been fearful of saying (or not saying) the wrong thing as people navigate unimaginable grief.
Thank you for using your own grief to guide others.
I have had people say to me “I’m sorry if it upsets you” or something similar when they talk to me about my daughter. I always tell them don’t be. She’s never far from my mind anyway. Talking about her to let’s me know she is not forgotten.
My mother committed suicide 35 yrs ago, 2 weeks after I told her I was 3 months pregnant with my second child. For years I didn’t talk about her. When people asked how she died, the response was 99.9% of the time,”I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry I asked”, and that was the end of the conversation. Only a few, close friends were comfortable talking about it.
I've got a college friend whose twenty-something son died from taking Fentanyl. He'd been in and out of rehab and he was in a sober house when it happened. She'd been so hopeful that this would be the time that would stick. It was hard to know what to say. Still is, a couple years later. Thanks for sharing your guidance. I'll likely reach out to her now to see how she's doing with the holidays approaching... what she might need.
I know that people were waiting to take their cues from me regarding my son’s death. People close to me heard me talking about him and knew it was okay. Once I started writing about my son and answering the questions people were too scared to ask, the floodgates opened.
I realize that many people who are grieving have a difficult time making the first move and shouldn’t be expected to. Thank you for sharing the resources for how to open up the conversation with someone who is grieving.
You said that so well. Thank you! I have to admit that prior to having to give my oldest daughter, Laura, back to God, I couldn't even phatham what it would be like to loose a child. One of the best things that a kind lady said was "I don't have any wonderful words of wisdom other than, it won't always hurt this bad." I hung onto those words ~ they became my daily mantra even on my darkest days. I also found that a big heartfelt hug spoke volumes to my heart (No words required)! I am grateful to you for giving us a platform where we can feel connected to other people who understand.